55 Funny Inspirational Status Quotes

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men  the other 999 follow women.

The successful man will profit from his mistakes and try again in a different way.

An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.

If you wish to make a man your enemy,tell him simply, "You are wrong." This method works every time..

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Even if you are on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.

If you are afraid of being lonely, don't try to be right.

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.

You must pay for your sins If you have already paid, please ignore this notice.

A business that makes nothing but money is a poor business.

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

Woman are meant to be loved, not to be understood.

If you're going through hell, keep going.

It's okay to look at the past and the future. Just don't stare.

Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.

Honesty is the best policy when there is money in it.

If you hit the target every time it’s too near or too big.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

Women will never be as successful as men because they have no wives to advise them.

I know worrying works, because none of the stuff I worried about ever happened.

Wise men talk because they have something to say. Fools talk because they have to say something.

A man is not paid for having a head and hands, but for using them.

Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. 

It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether.

Those who believe they can do something and those who believe they can't are both right.

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.

Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.

 

I believe in rules. Sure I do. If there weren't any rules, how could you break them?

Computers are good at following instructions, but not at reading your mind.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A word to the wise ain't necessary it's the stupid ones that need the advice.

One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.

I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe in it.

When everyone thinks alike, no one thinks very much.

I didn’t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.

 

I ain't sleeping. I'm just taking a good look at the insides of my eyelids.

 

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. 

Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.

I'm an idealist. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way.

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.

If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.